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About Deviant satah(&then some)26/Other/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
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Statistics 129 Deviations 23,649 Comments 79,305 Pageviews

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Screen Shot 2013-10-22 at 10.08.39 PM by Satah Screen Shot 2013-10-22 at 10.08.39 PM :iconsatah:Satah 2 2 conflict resolution by Satah conflict resolution :iconsatah:Satah 9 2 autumn equinox by Satah autumn equinox :iconsatah:Satah 6 4
we are pooling our resources
lacerated pill packets litter the bare mattress
and assorted half-empty bottles have collected
ten different variations of the same disease
on their necks
deep, wet coughs
echo through the halls
and my hands twitch all morning
from the combinations i'm keeping up
just to maintain a wry-smiled "functioning"
no-one sleeps
and the temperature is never right
active ingredients and seasons change
but i'm not sure habits do
:iconsatah:Satah 4 2
tonight i watched firey rot eat its way closer to my fingers
and tried to keep my hand steady
and to not breathe out of my nose
as i pressed my fingers against my lips
curious to see how long the ash could hold itself together
a dead thing
clinging to a dying thing
as it takes the life out of the rest
:iconsatah:Satah 14 13
jul22 / a poem i would have written when i was 16
my shoulders hold an unabiding soreness
so thick and deep i am convinced
there are wings coiled inside them
waiting to push through the skin
waiting to unfurl weakly
and hang naked down my back
barely able to lift themselves
they won't molt or shed
but grow steadily until they fall out
baby teeth
leaving wet holes
for stronger versions of themselves
to work their way out of
:iconsatah:Satah 9 9
i am still ruled by compulsions of odds. as i near the end of my first round, i know that if i keep going, i have to complete a circuit of three. the uncorked wine in my living room pops into my mind, a fully-formed landscape of comfort and warmth, and i compel my ipod to make the decision for me: if the next song that comes up on shuffle is appropriate for stalking the streets at night, i will continue. it isn't. i reflexively hit next, and this one is. i keep walking. there was a time when i made these decisions myself and walked in silence, but i can't remember it.
tiny pieces of stone shine like remnants of car crashes and vandalism, and i know that i was once fearless in the sight of them. my soles have gone soft. it used to be that at the first hint of spring, i would set myself to Toughing Up My Feet, but i have become lax in my old age. even the discarded buds of trees glinting in the post-storm moonlight make me wary. there was a time that my fingers wou
:iconsatah:Satah 7 10
maybe i am just a rorschach test
abstract eyes
an inkblot of a mouth
something distorted and vague
a mess
you saw yourself in
:iconsatah:Satah 11 6
the ugliest parts of me are not something you can
i do not want you
to lower your head
and flutter your eyelashes across my scars.
i do not want you to brush your lips over them
while whispering "pretty, pretty, pretty"
or apologising
like you are a mouthpiece for the world--
like the world did this to me.
i do not want you to cover them in compliments
so that you don't have to look straight at them.
there are monsters inside of me.
i do not want you to love them.
:iconsatah:Satah 15 8
there was a hurricane this february
my muscles ache from holding myself
upright. every step is a flat foot on ice
and the radio above the cafe dish station says
spring is coming, but i will not believe it
until the streets become clean
like i am, right now: their blank shells cracked to reveal potential life
under months of old grime.
snowflakes become drops of water which splatter against the wall near the front door
, spelling out the same words i whisper
from behind a wet dog shake motion blur: "this city is a death trap." my bones sting from holding myself
up to the light. this bodies, like most bodies, is a new one
and i haven't memorised its shadow yet. melted precipitation drips over my ears
to say, "there is always fresh darkness to explore."
is it safer to walk down the middle of the road
where engine heat and friction have melted the seasonal threats
or to slide on the sidewalk? cars can stop;
gravity cannot. my ankle is so weak already.
every step is a tiptoe on frosty cement
and my body is so sore from holdin
:iconsatah:Satah 12 10
GRODY by Satah GRODY :iconsatah:Satah 0 2
park bench
imagining who you have replaced her with,
she is too aware of what her hands are doing—
of the impossibly perfect face she has conjured—
and her hair never does what she wants it to do.
she is too aware of what her hands are doing.
she's trying to make holding a cigarette look natural
and her hair never does what she wants it to do.
she pulls at it like a nervous child at their mother's hand.
she's trying to make holding a cigarette look natural,
just to annoy everyone who told her to quit.
she pulls at it like a nervous child at their mother's hand.
she waves away the clouds threatening to obstruct her vision.
just to annoy everyone who told her to quit
imagining who you have replaced her with,
she waves away the clouds threatening to obstruct her vision
of the impossibly perfect face she has conjured.
:iconsatah:Satah 15 11
mix tape ii
boiling water hits the element, hisses, and disappears. this sound is the closest i've found to a song that can illustrate us. i always think i've warmed myself up enough to withstand you, but the moment we touch, i evaporate. i consider breaking out the microphone and giving you a burned disc containing an hour-long recording of me pouring a kettle onto the stove, but i'm not sure it would translate. the pot boils over and i close my eyes to listen.
:iconsatah:Satah 8 2
if i only had no nerves
like dorothy emerging from oz, i am grasping the hands of friends at my bedside, gasping out feverish descriptors of my visions: "i've just had the strangest dream. you were dead. and you were dead, and you were dead, and you were dead." i am staring at the ceiling without blinking. i am creating excuses for idle conversation. i am discovering ways to put my fingers on pulse points and slipping mirrors in front of mouths when i am the last one awake.
i am finding myself in molly weasley. like dorothy emerging from oz, i am touching my caretakers' palms with my knuckles and mumbling over their soothing noises: "i've just had the strangest dream, and the strangest thing of all is that it's no longer strange to me." there is an empty tv cabinet in the corner of the living room and i envision a boggart sliding out of it and mimicking corpse after corpse.
souvenirs are piling up. every surface is full of tangible reminders of things that can die, just in case they do. i am attempting to pla
:iconsatah:Satah 13 7
a prayer for nosy mourners
     bless the petty
     grief tourists
     bless their attempts at hiding their excitement
     by hushing their voices
     bless their desire for scandal
     and the way they claim morbid curiousity
     because they cannot call it gossip
     because digging up dirt on the dead
     is too crass--
     after all,
     they are already dealing with so much of it
     bless all of those who want to know
     how he did it
     and please grant them the ability
     to lift the knowledge from me completely
     and then, dear lord, please bless
:iconsatah:Satah 10 7

Random Favourites

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Satah's Profile Picture
satah(&then some)
i have exactly eight hundred and eighty-eight deviations in storage.
i have loved you all so dearly

if you want to check out the weird shitty places my creations go to, here is my """serious""" """""art""""" blog

if you just want to see what personal idiocy i'm getting up to, here is my tumblr


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missingnumbers Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2016  Student Writer
thanks for the favourites satah :heart: hope you're doing well
(1 Reply)
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014
thank you for the favorite :heart:
(1 Reply)
formaniac Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Student Writer
thanks for the fav~
(2 Replies)
missingnumbers Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013  Student Writer
hi, just wanted to say that i love the digital art you've been posting on tumblr lately :) also, i featured you in my journal, i hope that's okay? <3
(1 Reply)
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013   Writer
thanks for the :+fav: on cannibal snowflakes
(1 Reply)
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